Scene opens in drawing room at Cricket Lane.
Gary (looking somewhat natty) : Traditionally the Cricket Players have been invited to provide a serious interlude in the graduation ceremonies, marked by a brief reading from one of the classic dramas dealing with the existential or epistemological questions which we, as scientists, are confronted with daily. In the past, we've read from Waiting for Godot by the European playright S. Beckett (or BeckAY, as he became known in later years). There is, however, an American play that touches on many of the same questions – questions about Man's place in the Universe, questions which as the play unfolds are never satisfactorily answered. Because of the deep and difficult symbolism of this work, which employs a uniquely American metaphor, it is not well known outside of the US. Since science is a truly international enterprise, the Cricket Players thought it would be particularly appropriate to introduce our international students as well as reaquaint others to this remarkable work. We hope you enjoy it!

(Mark plays "Take me out to the ball game" while Gary and Tom dress)

Enter Tom , after a pause then Gary.
Tom: Hey Gary, I'm going to go to the ball field with you. Dan said I gotta be the coach for as long as you're on the team.
Gary: So Tom, if you're the coach, you must know all the students.
Tom: I should-I see them every day while I'm waiting for an EM project.
Gary: So tell me their names, and who’s playing what position.
Tom: Well, let's see, on the bases, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
Gary: Uhhh-that's what I want to find out.
Tom: I said Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Gary: Are you the coach?
Tom: Dan said I am!
Gary: And you don't know the students' names?
Tom: What do you mean, I know them.
Gary: Well then who's on first?
Tom: Right.
Gary: I mean the student's name.
Tom: Who.
Gary: The guy on first.
Tom: Who.
Gary: The first baseman.
Tom: Who.
Gary: The guy playing...
Tom: Who is on first!
Gary: I'm asking you who's on first.
Tom: That's his name.
Gary: That's who's name?
Tom: Right.
Gary: Well go ahead and tell me.
Tom: That's it.
Gary: That's who?
Tom: Yes.
PAUSE - Gary circles thoughtfully
Gary: Look, all I'm trying to find out is what is the name of the person on first base.
Tom: No. What is on second base.
Gary: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Tom: Who's on first.
Gary: One base at a time!
Tom: Well, then don't change the players around.
Gary: I'm not changing nobody!
Tom: Take it easy, buddy. A little shove
Gary: I'm only asking you, who is the student on first base?
Tom: That's right.
Gary: Ok.
Tom: Alright.

PAUSE

Gary: (Sigh) What's the student's name on first base?
Tom: No. What is on second.
Gary: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Tom: Who's on first.
Gary: I don't know.
Tom: He's on third, we're not talking about him yet.
Gary: Now how did I get on third base?
Tom: Why, you mentioned his name.
Gary: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
Tom: No. Who's playing first.
Gary: What's the name of the player on first base?
Tom: What is the name of the player on second base.
Gary: I don't know.
Tom: He's on third.
Gary: There I go, back on third again!

PAUSE

Gary: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.
Tom: Alright, what do you want to know?
Gary: Now who's playing third base?
Tom: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?
Gary: What am I putting on third.
Tom: No. What is on second.
Gary: You don't want who on second?
Tom: Who is on first.
Gary: I don't know.
Tom and Gary: THIRD BASE!

PAUSE

Gary: Look, you gotta outfield?
Tom: Sure.
Gary: The left fielder's name?
Tom: Why.
Gary: I just thought I'd ask you.
Tom: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Gary: Then tell me who's playing left field.
Tom: Who's playing first.
Gary: I'm not...stay out of the infield!!! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?
Tom: No, What is on second.
Gary: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Tom: Who's on first!
Gary: I don't know.
Tom and Gary: THIRD BASE!

PAUSE

Gary: You know I'm a catcher.
Tom: So they tell me.
Gary: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Dan's pitching and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Tom: Now that's the first sensible thing you've said.
Gary: I don't even know what I'm talking about!

PAUSE

Tom: That's all you have to do.
Gary: Is to throw the ball to first base.
Tom: Yes!
Gary: Now who's got it?
Tom: Naturally.

PAUSE

Gary: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?
Tom: Naturally.
Gary: Who?
Tom: Naturally.
Gary: Naturally?
Tom: Naturally.
Gary: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Tom: No you don't–you throw the ball to Who.
Gary: Naturally.
Tom: That's different.
Gary: That's what I said.
Tom: Your not saying it...
Gary: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Tom: You throw it to Who.
Gary: Naturally.
Tom: That's it.
Gary: That's what I said!
Tom: OK, You ask me.
Gary: I throw the ball to who?
Tom: Naturally.
Gary: Now you ask me.
Tom: You throw the ball to Who?
Gary: Naturally.
Tom: That's it.
Gary: Same as you! Same as YOU!!! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a shit!
Tom: What?
Gary: I said I don't give a shit!
Tom: Oh, that's the shortstop.